Original air date: September 24, 2009
Writer: Rachel Axler | Director: Seth Gordon
Summary: LESLIE HOLDS AN ALL-NIGHT STAKEOUT TO FIND OUT WHO PLANTED MARIJUANA IN THE PIT—LOUIS C.K. (”LUCKY LOUIE”) GUEST STARS—While tending to the new community garden, Leslie (Amy Poehler) and Tom (Aziz Ansari) discover someone has planted marijuana among the vegetables. In an effort to catch the people responsible, they pull an all-night stakeout. With Leslie’s permission, Ann (Rashida Jones) decides to go on a date with Mark (Paul Schneider). Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza and Chris Pratt also star.
Poll:
In a poll conducted on Knope Knows from September 24-27, viewers gave “The Stakeout” an 8.84/10.
Ratings:
4.088 million viewers | 1.8/5 A18-49 | Source
Videos:
Deleted Scenes | Highlights
Other:
Photos
Quotes:
Leslie: You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries.
Leslie: (Scooping whipped cream into her mouth) Mmm. You make such good coffee.
Leslie: Anyway, I’m over it. Or am I? I’m just kidding.
Tom: So hot. I had to go and get more iced tea.
Tom: Those are of course tomatoes. Or Soulja Boy Tell ‘Ems.
Tom: Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of any of our plants, I just give her the names of rappers.
Tom: Those are some diddies. Those are some Bone Thugs-N-Harmoniums, right here.
Leslie: Growing beautifully.
Tom: Those Ludacrises are coming in great.
Tom: Yeah, you know Leslie the best way to figure out what kind of spice that is is roll it up into a joint and smoke it.
Ron: As long as I sit still and don’t move my head… or torso… I’m good, I got this.
Leslie: Who is this kingpin?
Tom: It’s a 13-year-old kid named Stevie who likes to get high and make his Transformers look like they’re having sex together.
Leslie: I would like to be president some day, so no I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once… at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie. It was an insanely good brownie.
Leslie: We gotta catch this guy. Get the van. Meet me at seven. It’s stakeout time.
Ron: April, get my lunch for me, please.
April: K, like order you something?
Ron: No. Get it. From there.
April: Is this some kind of weird power trip?
Ron: Please. Thank you. That’ll be all.
Leslie: This is stuff we’re probably going to need. We have notepads, pencils and pencil case, shakable whipped cream, cameras, cork. And… candy necklaces. It’s like we’re real police.
Leslie: And I made us a mixed CD. It’s all filled with songs about people watching people. It’s mostly Sting.
Leslie: Are you going to wear that shirt?
Tom: Yeah. You like it?
Leslie: Tommy Hilfiger?
Tom: No. Tom Haverford. I spent $120 bucks to get it monogramed. Everybody thinks it’s Tommy Hilfiger.
Tom: Pretty bummed this fits.
Ann: When Andy and I used to go to the movies, he would always try to guess the ending of the movie. And he would always guess that the main character had been dead the whole time. Even when we saw Ratatouille.
Mark: Uh, so are you ready to go?
Ann: Oh, no, I need another hour to get ready.
Mark: Seriously? ‘Cause I think the movie starts in like… Oh you’re, you’re joking around right now.
Ann: Wow. this is gonna be fun.
Tom: Brendanawicz is the man. This is Brendanawicz’s life. Hot chick from the newspaper (thrust). hot chick from the post office (thrust). Hot chick from the hospital (thrust).
Custodian: Workin’ late?
Ron: Yep.
Leslie: Shovel guitar. Shovel guitar. Somebody wants to play a shovel guitar.
Tom: Leslie’s been playing shovel guitar for about an hour now.
Leslie: Bucket drum. Bucket drum.
Leslie: But you moved to South Carolina from where?
Tom: My mother’s uterus.
Tom: My birth name is Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani. Then I changed it to Tom Haverford because, you know, brown guys with funny sounding Muslim names don’t make it really far in politics.
Leslie: What about Barack Obama?
Andy: There’s weed down there? I thought that was the tops of carrots.
Leslie: Right, I know. Me too!
Andy: I’m supposed to have a rock fight with this crazy guy. He’s like 20 minutes late. All right, let’s do it.
April: I went home, but I had this strange feeling there was something wrong with you. So I came back.
April: AIDS?
Ron: No, I’m safe.
April: Blindness?
Ron: No.
April: Is it like a parasite or a virus or something you get from a bee?
Ron: I have a hernia.
April: Do you have syphilis?
Ron: I said it’s a hernia.
April: I know. It’s possible to have two things.
Leslie: You know there’s a string in there?
Andy: No, not this one.
Andy: Sugar slam!
Tom: What’s the crime here? Parking while Indian?
Dave: No, there’s no stereotypes about Indians sitting in vehicles.
Tom: Nice job, Paul Blart! Why don’t you head back to the mall, make sure nobody’s breaking into Lady Footlocker.
Dave: Step out of the van.
Tom: I’ll step out of your momma’s van.
Dave: This is a police matter.
Leslie: Well it doesn’t seem to matter… to the police!
Dave: My mother likes David but I’m pretty split on it 50/50.
Dave: What branch of government are you in?
Leslie: Parks and Recreation.
Dave: Parks and Recreation.
Leslie: Yes. Do I stutter?
Dave: Ms. Knope. It wasn’t just his behavior, OK? I think your friend might be some kind of a pervert.
Leslie: No, that’s what people think when they first meet him. But he’s all talk.
Leslie: Prison changes a man. I think he’ll probably want to see a familiar face when he gets back on the outside.
Ron: I was born ready. I’m Ron f-ckin’ Swanson.
Leslie: Mother Theresa. It’s not your chocolate. Don’t, get your hands off that.
Leslie: Thanks for the coat.
Dave: It’s no problem. You can keep it.
Leslie: Really?
Dave: Actually no. I need that for my uniform.
Leslie: I just hope Ann and Mark got home OK. That’s all that matters, you know? That Ann is home. And she’s OK. And that Mark is also OK, and he’s in his home. Just important that they’re both in their homes.
Tom: Keep it in your pants, Knope!
Dave: I like Ms. Knope. I liked her. I gotta say, when I first met her I didn’t care much for her because like 99% of the people in any given day in my life, she was very belligerent and disagreeable. Uh, Ms. Knope was attractive to me. As a man I was attracted to her in her demeanor. I was attracted to her in a sexual manner, that was appropriate. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Tom: Ann-danawicz. What are you guys doing? Eatin’? Love it. Oh hey, just wanted to thank you for having me arrested as a pervert the other night. That was cool. Peace.
