Original air date: December 10, 2009
Writer: Michael Schur | Director: Randall Einhorn
Summary: LESLIE BECOMES THE CENTER OF A HOLIDAY SCANDAL– LOUIS C.K. (”LUCKY LOUIE”) GUEST STARS-Leslie (Amy Poehler) designs the Pawnee Winter Wonderland Festival, but has to hide from the press when a meeting with a disgraced Councilman lands her in the middle of a sex scandal. Meanwhile, Ron (Nick Offerman) offers to cover for Leslie for the day, and quickly discovers how much work she really does. Aziz Ansari, Rashida Jones, Aubrey Plaza and Chris Pratt also star.
Poll:
In a poll conducted on Knope Knows from December 10-13, viewers gave “Christmas Scandal” an 8.55/10.
Ratings:
4.903 million viewers | 2.1/6 A18-49 | Source
Videos:
Promos | Deleted Scenes
Quotes:
Leslie: Prepare to laugh your Asnoff. (laughs) Sid Asnoff is a former city concilman. Some of the jokes are sort of inside.
Leslie: This could not be more perfect if I had planned it myself. Which I did, and it’s awesome.
Leslie: Everyone’s going to do Santa for two hours, so I would just advise everyone before you get in your costume to go to the bathroom so we can avoid what happened last year.
Jerry: It was just farts.
Leslie: Our tree lighting ceremony will be simulcast on Internet radio.
Tom: That’s a really big deal.
Leslie: It is. Thank you.
Tom: Listening to that tree lighting’s gonna be dope.
Leslie: He got off easy. And often.
Andy: He’s gay?
April: Yeah.
Andy: Brokeback Mountain DVD. Fellas love that.
Andy: Does he already have chaps? Like assless chaps?
Leslie: Nobody told me nuttin’. What are we talking about?
Councilman Dexhart: Who told you? Was it the babysitter? Was it the nurse who delivered our love child?
Councilman Dexhart: In that case, everything I just told you was just a funny prank.
Perd Hapley: The mystery woman who met with Councilman Dexhart last night appears to be a government employee named Leslie Norp. According to unconfirmed reports in the Pawnee Sun, the two bent an elbow at this local watering hole, and although they left separately, no one knows whether they woke up… together.
April: Do you want me to seduce Perd Hapley?
Leslie: How would that help?
April: I don’t know. I just want to see if I could do it.
Leslie: April, I appreciate that, but I don’t think it’s something worth losing your virginity over.
Andy: I have heard a lot of very, very interesting chatter around the shoe shine stand today.
Andy: One guy was like, “I wouldn’t hit that.” And the other guy was like, “me neither.” But then this third guy was like, “I would.”
Leslie: This department is not going to deputy direct itself.
Dave: If I ever see that guy I’m gonna punch him right in the face.
Leslie: Yeah, that’s sweet. Use your nightstick.
Dave: You know my Army reserve unit, we got called up to active duty. I ship out in four days.
Leslie: Oh my god. Where are you going?
Dave: San Diego.
Leslie: Oh my god.
Ann: San Diego, jeez. You could learn how to surf!
Leslie: I know how to surf. I took lessons when I was a kid. I’m actually pretty good.
Ann: I bet you are.
Tom: Have you seen Ann? You know how hot she is? Men give women of that caliber speed boats, private jets. Not computer bags.
Tom: There isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t love diamonds. Even the super left wing chicks who saw Blood Diamond and cried. When they get a diamond, they like, “yeah, bitch, get more of them blood diamonds. Make ‘em extra bloody.”
Donny: Look at the way she’s smiling at him. And then almost unconsciously touching her hands to her hips. See that? Right there. It’s like she’s sending him a message that she’s ready for child bearing.
Leslie: In a 24-hour news cycle, the tiniest story gets dissected over and over again. In 2004, a kid from Pawnee went to the Olympics, and it was reported on for over a year. He wasn’t even competing or anything. He was just going literally to watch the Olympics.
Ann: It was way too easy to get this guy here.
Councilman Dexhart: Listen, I gotta go. I’m expected at two different maternity wards.
Councilman Dexhart: But before I go, I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask: Should we?
Leslie: Oh my god.
Councilman Dexhart: People already think we did it. You’ve got nothing to lose. I’m very good.
Donny: The big issue now is, who is this mystery woman? She and Knope are standing very close to each other, and anytime you see two women standing very close to each other you immediately assume… lesbian.
Ron: OK good, because I have to run a public forum, supervise the maintenance crews and teach crafts at the senior center. Simultaneously.
Joan: We all saw the tape from four years ago, and you were flashing some serious “do me” eyes. That’s just my opinion.
Ron: My name is Ron. You don’t need to know my last name.
Woman: I found a sandwich in one of your parks and I want to know why it didn’t have mayonnaise.
(Ron laughs)
Woman: What’s so funny?
Ron: Oh.
Man: I’m not worried about swine flu. I’ve already had the swine flu. I’m worried about the turtle flu.
Ron: The turtle flu.
Man: Turtle flu.
Ron: Turtle flu.
Joan: Wait, there’s no mole. There is no mole! This exclusive story: There is no mole on Miss Knope.
Leslie: I can’t believe it’s come to this. This is utterly humiliating.
Joan: Well, councilman. Care to make a comment on No Mole-gate?
Councilman Dexhart: I really didn’t think that Miss Knope would pull down her pants on TV.
Dave: There’s a $75 change fee, but I could pay you that or I could reimburse you. There’s a lot of ways we could handle that.
Leslie: It’s gotten a lot harder to work in government. You think Winston Churchill ever had to pull his pants down and show his butt? No. But would he have? Yes. Now could he have? Well maybe not towards the end of his life. But, he would have. Because he loved his job.
Ron: There’s a bunch of messages waiting for you about a bunch of things I don’t understand.
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Tags: Michael Schur, Randall Einhorn
