Original air date: February 4, 2010
Writer: Alan Yang | Director: Dean Holland
Summary: LESLIE FIGHTS FOR HEALTH– JUSTIN THEROUX (JOHN ADAMS, TROPIC THUNDER) GUEST STARS-The Parks Department forms a partnership with a local company to sell energy bars at the parks in Pawnee, but Leslie (Amy Poehler) tries to stop the deal when she discovers how unhealthy the snacks are. Mark (Paul Schneider) reluctantly agrees to help Tom (Aziz Ansari) move out of his house. Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza and Chris Pratt also star.
Poll:
In a poll conducted on Knope Knows from February 4-7, viewers gave “Sweetums” a 9.14/10.
Ratings:
4.877 million viewers | 2.3/7 A18-49 | Source
Videos:
Promos | Deleted Scenes | Highlights | Faux Sweetums Advertisements
Knope Knows Q&A:
Alan Yang
Quotes:
Tom: Who am I suppose to ask for fashion advice? Jerry? He wears the same soup-stained khakis every day.
Tom: Justin’s my savior. He’s like an issue of GQ that’s come to life.
Leslie: You look like Encyclopedia Brown.
Tom: Sequins… minus the gloves.
Tom: Hey, what’s up? I’m Tom. Is my shirt lighting up ’cause I didn’t even notice.
Tom: Eagle medallion. Caw caw.
Leslie: Wow, that family looks so healthy. Look at them, they’re all wearing vests.
Nick Newport, Jr.: We don’t make Nutriyums for dogs… yet.
Ron: I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.
Tom: Brendanawicz. Quick question: Do you personally know Xzibit because I was checking out that pick up truck of your’s and that ride is pimp.
Mark: I’m totally blanking on a valid excuse right now, so yes.
Andy: Can I help you move? I’m really good at it. Afterwards I’ll take the cardboard from the boxes and I use it for breakdancing.
Tom: Really? ‘Cause an hour ago you told me you’d rather watch a sex tape of your grandparents.
Andy: I think that that’s really really sweet that your grandparents still make love.
Leslie: It comes in handy. And on the back it teaches you how to play Black Jack.
Ron: Swansons have a preternaturally high tolerance for alcohol. My old man used to put Wild Turkey on his cornflakes.
Leslie: The dealer really has an advantage. That’s what I get the most from this.
Ron: After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this mall harp, using a bandsaw, a spokeshave and an oscillating spindle sander.
Leslie: I feel like I’m in a spa.
Mark: I’m not a mover. I’m a sap who owns a truck.
April: Oh my god, they’re amazing.
Jerry: They’re more than amazing. They are terrific.
April: Terrific’s not more than amazing, Jerry.
Jerry: No? Well, it’s not less.
Donna: Everything Sweetums makes is off the charts. I like their candy fingernails.
Andy: Yeah, they actually have rice in them, so…
Donna: Hmm, Andy. You’re fine but you’re simple.
Ann: Holy god, no, they’re not. They’re terrible for you.
Leslie: No they’re not. There’s a picture of Lance Armstrong on there.
Ann: The kids here are beefy. They’re just husky, big boned, plus-sized chunk monsters. I call ‘em like I see ‘em.
Marcie: Leslie! Are they finally teaching you parks people how to read? Oh, I guess not. It’s a movie.
Leslie: You’re pretty cocky for someone whose job is obsolete because of the Internet.
Marcie: Hmm, you seem to have a $40 late fee on a book called Mysteries of the Female Orgasm!
Leslie: No I don’t!
Leslie: Punk ass book jockeys!
Leslie: Paul, can you and I have a sidebar?
Tom: That’s the Canadian version. Twenty-two extra minutes. And there’s a bonus audio track where LL Cool J raps all his dialogue.
Tom: It’s a spare room I converted into a walk-in closet slash home fitness center.
Mark: What is that?
Tom: Oh. I strapped an mp3 player to one of those floor cleaning robots. Call ‘em DJ Roomba. Little guy cruises around and plays music.
Tom: DJ Roomba, tearing it up!
Ron: The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.
Resident #1: If sugar’s so bad, how come Jesus made it taste so good?
Resident #2: But isn’t all food bad for you? I’ve been eating lasagna and muffins every day of my life for 40 years and I feel terrible.
Resident #3: What’s so bad about corn syrup? It’s natural. Corn’s a fruit. Syrup comes from a bush.
Ann: Oh boy.
Resident #4: Well, the point is my friend think’s you’re cute. Give me your number so he can have it.
Resident #4: Can I have your email address? I just got on AOL.
Tom: Yeah, I’d like to place an order for one pad thai chicken. And, uh, no scallions on it please. Just for one person, yeah, just one.
Donna: Uh uh, that’s it. My baby has a delicate suspension.
Andy: Hey, what’s up guys? You come to help Tom move too? Too late! We already almost got all of it.
Tom: Why don’t you get some Canadian bacon on it, since you’re from Canada. And sausage, cause I’m brown and spicy.
Leslie: Denver, you little son of a bitch.
Tom: I built him myself. He was like a son to me.
April: You know, for a gay couple you guys are being really gay.
Ron: I call this turf and turf.
Leslie: The first line, by the way: Oh captain, my captain. Ron Swanson, a swan song. Yeah. It gets better from there!
Tom: Jerry! Jerry! This is the ghost of DJ Roomba. Why did you kill me? I’m gonna haunt you, Jerry. I’m gonna follow you and play the Black Eyed Peas on a non-stop loop.
