Original air date: January 21, 2010
Writer: Daniel J. Goor | Director: Alex Hardcastle
Summary: LESLIE HOSTS A DINNER PARTY– JUSTIN THEROUX (”JOHN ADAMS,” “TROPIC THUNDER”) GUEST STARS-After an amazing date with Justin (guest star Justin Theroux) in Indianapolis, Leslie (Amy Poehler) tries to impress him with a dinner party at her house. Rashida Jones, Paul Schneider, Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Chris Pratt and Aubrey Plaza also star.
Poll:
In a poll conducted on Knope Knows from January 21-24, viewers gave “Leslie’s House” a 9.00/10.
Ratings:
4.347 million viewers | 2.0/5 A18-49 | Source
Videos:
Deleted Scenes | Highlights
Other:
Photos
Quotes:
Leslie: And it’s because of you, our teachers, that every one of these recreation classes in this catalogue shines like a jewel in Pawnee’s beautiful crown. Unfortunately due to budget constraints, this year we will have to remove five jewels from that crown.
Teacher: How will you decide which classes to cut?
Leslie: By attendance, and student evaluations. So just make sure your students leave with a smile.
Teacher: My class is called Coping with Terminal Illness.
Leslie: Hopefully your attendance is good! Actually no. Hopefully it’s bad.
Leslie: Nobody’s more upset about this than me. I’ve been taking these rec center classes since I was in high school. It’s where I learned hair braiding and how to make biscuits and french kissing. The french kissing was just from a boy in my biscuits class. But either way, lesson learned.
Leslie: We’ve only been out a few times, but every one of them has been amazing. Last time we had a private tour and cocktails at the Indianapolis Aquarium.
Leslie: That fish over there kinda reminds me of my mom.
Justin: Why?
Leslie: It’s just being very withholding.
Justin: You’ve got to try this.
Leslie: Oh that’s really good.
Justin: Isn’t it great? It’s camel stomach.
Leslie: Is it?
Justin: I’m teasing, I’m teasing. It’s chicken.
Waiter: Would you like to try the camel stomach?
Leslie: No.
Leslie: I know what you meant but I took your idea and I made it better. It’s called a think tank Ann.
Ann: What is?
Leslie: Our lunches. Our lunches are like think tanks.
Leslie: So much work to do. You’re my best friend, now get out of here!
Ron: How many courses will there be?
Leslie: Three
Ron: Hmm?
Leslie: Four.
Ron: Hmm.
Leslie: Not including dessert.
Ron: So five courses.
Leslie: Yes, now it will be five courses.
Ron: If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn’t want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?
Leslie: Hey Tom, I’m having an A-list dinner party for Justin. And you, out of all of my friends, come from the most distant and exotic land.
Tom: South Carolina?
Leslie (laughing): Save it for the party.
Leslie: Isn’t that polish gonna get on peoples’ butts when they sit down?
Andy: No.
Andy: Hey it’s me, Justin. Take my coat, but please be careful I got it from the king of Africa when we were walking on the Berlin Wall together. Really, Justin, what instruments do you play? Actually. Actually he’s a pretty sick keyboardist.
Ann: This newspaper’s from November 1986.
Leslie: Oh, the first rumblings of Iran-Contra. Don’t throw that out.
Ann: I think I need to call child services and have Leslie taken away from herself.
Ann: Leslie, don’t take this the wrong way. But your house is like a crazy person’s garage.
Ann: What do you need this bird house for? Can we get rid of it?
Leslie: I might need it.
Ann: What about this one?
Leslie: Well, if two birds come along.
Tom: Shake my hand.
April: Why?
Tom: I can’t tell if I’ve exfoliated too much. I don’t want to creep Justin out. I want him to respect my handshake.
Tom: Justin is hip. Pawnee is the opposite of hip. People in this town are just now getting into Nirvana. I don’t have the heart to tell them what’s gonna happen to Kurt Cobain in 1994.
Leslie: Stop winking.
Ann: I forgot to ask you. What are you cooking?
Leslie: Five courses.
Ann: Of what?
Leslie: Huh?
Ann: Of what?
Leslie: Oh god.
Andy: I promise I will not spit in anyone’s food, unless they should request that I do.
Andy: Did I do this right?
Leslie: I don’t know.
Mark: Whoa. This is way cleaner than the last time I was here.
Ann: You’ve been here? Right.
Andy: When was Mark here before? Oh! Sex.
Mark: I can’t wait to talk to Justin again. Last time he told me about how he snorkeled with whale sharks in Madagascar. That was after I told him that I sometimes go swimming at the Y.
Ron: Leslie Knope. I believe you’ve arranged accommodations for these?
Leslie: Everybody stop talking, until Justin gets here. Don’t use up your stories.
Mark: Well I think somebody from Animal Services is going to get canned–
Leslie: Oh my god, what part of no talking do you not understand? Please have a good time and shut your mouth.
Leslie: There are very few things I have asked for in this world. To build a new park from scratch, to eventually become president and to one day solve a murder on a train.
Leslie: Guys, Justin’s here. That’s Justin. Everybody, start talking.
Leslie: It’s gonna be super fun. It’s gonna be a blast. Really, really just like the best most exciting night of your life. I cannot overhype it enough.
Justin: Alright, let’s get started.
April: I have the swine flu.
Leslie: No, she doesn’t.
April: Is that Justin’s coat?
Andy: Oh yeah. Isn’t it awesome? He got it in Cambodia when he was hiking Mount Everest.
Andy: Leslie’s being super cool to me, I can’t screw over her boyfriend’s, jacket.
Tom: One sec. I just gotta hit the loo, as those bastard British imperialists would say.
Tom: Last time I was in India, I was eight years old. And I stayed inside the whole time playing video games. I gotta bone up. Fourth largest coal reserves in the world.
Tom: How could you invite Wendy when Ron’s here? He’s gonna wrap her up in his mustache and take her home.
Tom (singing): This is how you eat it.
Leslie: This is something, Justin. Ben and Derek are gay, but often on occasion April will have relations with Derek. Right? Crazy stuff. Discuss that.
April: There’s not much more to discuss. You kind of explained it all.
Leslie: Who else is gay?
Leslie: Tom, I need your help. There was a lull. I saw Justin yawn. Please tell me that yawning is a sign of excitement in India or something.
Leslie: I wonder who that is? Who could that be? A belly dancer? What?
Leslie: You don’t do origami every day, do you?
Leslie: If I may, Phil, I’d like to say something to Tom on the record.
Phil: This has all been on the record.
Phil: Is Wendy one of the teachers?
Tom: No, she’s my soon to be ex-wife.
Leslie: And hopefully then to be future wife.
Leslie: I put a beautiful man in front of an adorable man child.
Leslie: I put a big white stallion in front of a little brown pony.
Ron: When it comes to government hearings, the only type of witness I enjoy being is a hostile one.
Phil: Were you aware that all the entertainment and food was provided by rec center teachers?
Ron: Would I have stayed if I knew that?
Phil: I don’t know. Would you have?
Ron: Would you have?
Phil: No. I wouldn’t have. Did you hear Leslie make any promises?
Ron: What constitutes a promise?
Phil: A quid pro quo.
Ron: Oh. Do you know Latin?
Phil: OK. Thank you, Ron.
Ron: Are we done?
April: Can I get a shine?
Andy: Oh, no sorry we’re closed. Due to betrayment.
Leslie: Could you define pleasant? Did you have a good time? Did you have a great time? Be specific and do remember that you’re under oath.
Leslie: So did you get that? He said amazing and awesome.
Leslie: Are you kidding, Ann? It’s every girls’ dream to ask a dude how their date went under penalty of perjury.
Leslie: I’m not proud of my actions. But the most important thing is that there is now an official government document that proves my dinner party kicked ass.
Tom: I’m not gay. But you’re the most incredible man I’ve ever met.
Justin: That doesn’t sound gay at all.
