Original air date: October 29, 2009
Writer: Michael Schur | Director: Dean Holland
Summary: LESLIE IS TORMENTED BY A TEENAGE NEMESIS—SPECIAL HALLOWEEN EPISODE—Leslie (Amy Poehler) enlists the help of Dave (guest star Louis C.K.) and Andy (Chris Pratt) in order to catch a local teen vandal. Meanwhile, Ann (Rashida Jones) struggles to make her Halloween party fun, and gets help from an unlikely source. Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman and Aubrey Plaza also guest star.
Poll:
In a poll conducted on Knope Knows from October 29 to November 1, viewers gave “Greg Pikitis” an 8.92/10.
Ratings:
4.800 million viewers | 2.0/5 A18-49 | Source
Videos:
Deleted Scenes
Knope Knows Q&A:
Cody Klop (Greg Pikitis)
Quotes:
Leslie: He’s like an invisible, adolescent, James Bond super villain criminal mastermind. Or maybe someone else is doing it.
Leslie: It ends today, Pikitis. It ends. To… day.
April: Yay. Ann’s here.
Ann: Halloween is my favorite holiday. It’s just the best. And I don’t have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens… pump your own stomachs this year!
Tom (to Ann): Can’t wait to see how tiny your costume is.
Ann: That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.
Leslie: In a way, that’s a compliment. Shows dedication.
Leslie: But more importantly Greg Pikitis sucks. And I want to destroy him.
Leslie: William Percy. One of Pawnee’s greatest mayors, and a true hero. During the Pawnee bread factory fire of 1922, he ran back into a burning building and saved the beloved secret recipe for Pawnee pumpernickel.
Dave: Didn’t like 30 people die in that fire?
Leslie: He wasn’t Superman.
Leslie: Commit this to memory. You see him, you stomp him. Knock his head off if you have to.
Dave: Don’t do that.
Leslie: Don’t do that. But I give you permission to use excessive force.
Dave: Don’t use excessive force.
Leslie: Don’t go overboard. Just stop him, by any means necessary.
Dave: No.
Leslie: No. Just stop him. (under breath) You know what I mean.
Andy: A week ago, I had nothing. Now I have a part-time job, I’m gonna make 32 bucks tonight. I owe Leslie everything I have. Which after tonight will be 39 bucks.
Ron: I’m a pirate.
Ron: You’re a doctor:
Dr. Harris: Yep.
Ron: I meant your costume.
Dr. Harris: I got it.
Leslie: Suspect still with friends in parking lot. He looks obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance.
Dave: Uh, confirmed.
April: Remember my boyfriend, Derek? And his boyfriend, Ben?
April: I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas brothers make out with three Robert Pattisons. It was amazing.
Leslie: Suspect laughing with friends, and playing with his stupid skateboard in a snide, turdish manner.
Dave: Turdish?
Leslie: Yes. Like a turd. Like a little turd.
Leslie: Leaving location. Look at stupid suspect. I hate suspect.
Leslie: It was Pikitis. Believe me now.
Leslie: This is his ace of spades. This is his calling card. This is what he leaves all his victims. And it’s still warm. OK, go arrest him and send this to the lab.
Dave: We don’t have a lab.
Ann: OK, you’re underage.
April: You’re not.
Leslie: You talk to him first. You have a scary face.
Dave: Hey.
Leslie: No, in a good way. Scary cute.
Leslie: Ask him about the peach pit.
Greg: This isn’t one-way glass, you know. I can see you.
Ron: Ann, do you have any Mounds? Because all I can find are Almond Joys. And almonds give me the squirts.
Andy: Crappy Hallowieners. That’s hilarious. Where’s the kid?
Leslie: Andy and I are going to take a walk. And it’s just going to be you, Pikitis and these pliers.
Andy: In order to think like one of these guys, you have to think like them.
Andy: Greg Pikitis. Would you like some boiling hot coffee on your face?
Andy: My name is Burt Macklin. I’m with the [expletive] FBI.
Tom: She’s a surgeon at County General. And she’s super hot.
Tom: Ann, what happened here? Did you tell everyone they’re going to have to get a bone marrow transplant tomorrow? They look miserable. This party is a disaster.
Leslie: Look, I’ve been very civil. But I will water board you!
Dave: No, nope. I don’t think she would make a good cop. I would be frightened to live in a town that she’s the cop of. Frankly.
Tom: Turn off all the lights that don’t have colored bulbs.
Tom: Take the pigs in the blanket and put ‘em to sleep. It’s time to get wild. Get this furniture out of here y’all. We’re making a dance floor.
Greg’s Fake Mom: Do you have any evidence?
Leslie: Yes. Two words. Peach pit. His DNA is all over it I assume.
Dave: We don’t know that.
Leslie: We can get it tested–
Dave: We can’t.
Leslie: –And if it matches your DNA than you’re going away for a long time.
Greg’s Fake Mom: I don’t know who to call about you.
Andy: The President of the United States of America.
Dave: It’s just bad police work.
Andy: Yeah it was bad FBI work too. My bad.
Andy (to Leslie): You’re the coolest person I’ve ever met. I even met John Cougar Melloncamp once.
Ron: No worries. I’d hate for you to have to go back to Canada. All that socialized medicine up there.
Leslie: I believe that you’re innocent until proven guilty in this country. That’s the cornerstone of democracy.
Andy: Sure.
Leslie: On the other hand. Greg Pikitis is a little punk. And I kind of want to TP his house.
Leslie: This is for pooping on the handball courts.
Tom: …About to head home and have crazy sex.
Leslie: Hey, you’re going to jail for a very long time.
Dave: He’s not going to go to jail, you know. He’s a minor.
Leslie: Well, we’ll let the jury decide.
Dave: There’s not gonna be a jury. It’s a–
Leslie: Then the judge will decide where he goes.
Dave: Look, he’s going to do probation. He’s a minor.
Leslie: Dave, just let me have this?
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Tags: Dean Holland, Michael Schur
