Original air date: October 1, 2009
Writer: Katie Dippold | Director: Jason Woliner
Summary: LESLIE JUDGES A LOCAL BEAUTY PAGEANT—LOUIS C.K (“LUCKY LOUIE”) GUEST STARS—Leslie (Amy Poehler) looks forward to picking a new Miss Pawnee, but has to battle the other judges, who have a very different standard of “the ideal woman.” While on a date with Mark (Paul Schneider), Ann (Rashida Jones) learns that Andy (Chris Pratt) has been living in the pit. Aziz Ansari, Aubrey Plaza, and Nick Offerman also star.
Poll:
In a poll conducted on Knope Knows from October 1-4, viewers gave “Beauty Pageant” an 8.85/10.
Ratings:
4.63 million viewers | 1.9/5 A18-49 | Source
Videos:
Deleted Scenes | Highlights
Other:
Miss Pawnee Website
Quotes:
Leslie: As we all know Ron is recovering from his hernia surgery, so I got him flowers from all of us. So everybody needs to pitch in like $90.
Leslie: I ordered a beautiful bouquet of daffodils from a Web site after a few glasses of wine. So, Tom, I think you might be getting some daffodils too. Donna you’re definitely gettin’ some. Jerry? I don’t know. I’m not sure. Time will tell.
Tom: Whoa, the girls from Talent and Poise are gonna be there?
Leslie: What?
Tom: Talent and Poise. It’s a strip club by the VA hospital. I have some meetings there.
Leslie: That’s disgusting.
Tom: No. What’s disgusting is the Glitter Factory. Do not go to the Glitter Factory.
April: Heeeeeeeeyyyyy.
Leslie: Heeeeeeeeyyyyy?
Leslie: You know, that is why I decided to become a judge. So that awesome girls like you who are not, you know, classically hot, can be rewarded for their intelligence and savvy.
April: Beauty pageants are idiotic. But I found out that the winner of the Miss Pawnee Pageant gets $600. I can be idiotic for $600.
Tom: I had to call in a few favors. But if you don’t call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for?
Leslie: This depicts kind of a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Anna Beth Stevenson, widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was a lively fisting. But you know, they had to change it, for obvious reasons.
Dave: That’s her name? I usually just call mine nana.
Leslie: I just don’t know if I can date someone who doesn’t share my interests. I mean, could you date someone who doesn’t love giving vaccinations?
Ann: I’ve never dated anyone who loves giving vaccinations.
Tom: I recognized you right away. And may I say that you look even more beautiful now than you did when you won the crown?
Tom: You don’t believe me? Watch. 34C, 36B, 34B, 34D… 32A?! How did you get in here? (laughs)
April: Hello, I’m April Ludgate. I’m 20 years old. I like people, places and things. And Pawnee is my favorite place in the world.
Trish: Hi ya’ll! I’m Trish. I’m 22 years old. I’ve been on YouTube. I just, I love to hang out with my friends. I love to laugh. I love the summertime, and going to the beach. And I love wearing bikinis at the beach with everyone there.
Tom: Looks like we got a frontrunner guys!
Tom: My girl Trish is talented.
Leslie: She’s not even twirling the baton.
April: This is an impression of my sister. “Hi, I’m Natalie. I love Ritalin and have low self esteem.”
April: This is an impression of my boss, Leslie Knope. “Women should do everything. Check out my four-color pen. Hey, everybody, listen up while I talk about some really really important stuff. Parks, parks, parks, parks, parks, parks, Michelle Obama, parks, gay penguins, parks, sugar, parks.”
Leslie: She got me. She got me good.
Ann: I know you’re in there because I can see you through the screen.
Ann: I can’t be at my house and see my ex-boyfriend living in a hole in my backyard like a gopher. That’s so weird, Andy.
Andy: I have been trying really hard not to bother you. Like when you had that barbecue last week I didn’t come up even though it smelled sooooo good.
Ann: You’ve been here a whole week?
Andy: Yes. One week. Only.
Trish: Well, I think that America is the land of the free, which is a wonderful thing. And also the brave, where people can live. And no one can ever take that away from you, and it never gives up. But the high birthing rate of immigrants frightens me. No offense to anyone out there, but if it were up to me and my family, I would actually call it Our-merica, and not Their-merica.
Leslie: Don’t applaud that. She didn’t answer my question.
Mark: I also didn’t see any toothpaste. Do you not use toothpaste?
April: What? We don’t get cash? This is for a fence?
Host: Well, it won’t cover a whole fence but it will defray the cost considerably.
April: Oh my god. I quit.
April: No, I didn’t win. But at least I didn’t make any new friendships.
Tom: Susan Boring Stories? Naw, it’s Trish. Let’s go back out there.
Leslie: Consider yourselves sequestered.
Leslie: I’m a judge so I don’t want to sound partial. But Trish will win this pageant over my dead body.
Leslie: Jessica, may I ask? What was your talent?
Jessica: Oh, I packed a suitcase.
Andy: Is Mark the guy who’s “fixing your shower”? I don’t know about you, Mark, but I’ve seen a ton of porn and I know what “fixing your shower” means.
Host: It’s the hot one, Trish Lanetta!
Mark: These are amazing. Do you, do you put a little hot sauce on these or something?
Ann: A good chef never reveals her secrets.
Andy: It’s hot sauce!
Andy: Hmm. Memories.
Leslie: Why don’t we just take a moment to give a round of applause to all the contestants this evening. Especially Susan. This isn’t the first time that Susans have lost to Trishes, and it won’t be the last. Susan and I will continue on until the women of Pawnee are judged not by the flatness of their tummies but by the contents of their brains.
Andy: That went really well! We had dinner. I got to see her. Aw god I was so tempted to look back at her. Was she looking? I had to walk so slow. A good day!
Tom: Well well well. Look who’s here. It’s Officer John McClane. Welcome to the party, pal.
Dave: Who’s that?
Tom: Die Hard.
Dave: Battery?
Tom: Let me do you a favor. Take a key. Just come by. Grill up whatever you want.
Tom: This is one of my favorite pick up strategies. I’m constantly giving away my keys. So far none of them have shown up. Matter of time. I have been robbed twice.
